The Jealousy Streak

One, two, three.... Fifteen; I counted the ceiling tiles for the third time.
For some strange and unknown reason I find myself in this predicament that has robbed me of my beauty sleep; I wonder why they call it beauty sleep.



I picked up my phone again, then suddenly without a fore warning my train of thought switched gear for another direction which eventually led to the big question being popped up.
"What am I doing with my life?"
...and in the space of minutes my mocking brain had spread out hundreds of examples of friends, colleagues, acquaintances, passersby, celebrities, even imagined persons, who at my age seem to be doing better at life that I am doing . They all seem to have it all figured out, nice cars, nice apartment, nice jobs, nice bod, nice yacht, stable relationships, heck some of them even had a twenty-year plan, while I'm struggling to have a one week plan.

Why don't I have it all figured out too?, why do I consider having a great body "The Perfect Mirage."?, why don't I have a fast metabolism and  $10 million?, why am I not on a yacht cruising the horizon to a private Island with my Prince Charming?, why do I not blog consistently?, why does my leave have to come to an end? 

Here I was in the middle of the night loosing my beauty sleep by using my life to play "the comparison game" with people who had a different starting point than mine, whose game set up were different from mine, and whose goals were different from mine.
As I try to stand my ground in the turmoil of crucifying thought that I found myself, each excuse I raise to justify myself and my present state seem to sink me deeper and deeper.
... After hours of sleep deprivation and self loathing, I cracked a smile...even if it's going to be the last time (for a while); Thank God I don't have to wake up early in the morning, who knows maybe I would skip the morning part all together.