How to become a millionaire overnight in Nigeria
The highly-classified national secrets of becoming a billionaire overnight in Nigeria.
By Femi Aribisala.
Join the PDP.
This one is a sure banker. As a member of the greatest party in the history of Africa, you will be given a credit-card to spend Nigeria's oil wealth. If you are not getting enough attention in the party, make a lot of noise. Abuse Tinubu on the pages of the newspapers and call Buhari an idiot.
Insist that Goodluck Jonathan should not only run for re-election unopposed in 2015, there should be a constitutional amendment to make him a life-president. This is a tell-tale sign that you are hungry; and the powers-that-be will soon invite you to "come and chop."
As a distinguished member of this great party, the opportunities open for you to set yourself up for life are considerable. For example, you can start collecting billions for petroleum subsidy and simply not import any petrol whatsoever. You can get the government to change all car license-plates nationwide; and then become the sole supplier of the new license-plates.
You can ask the president to make you the sole importer and distributor of diesel for the entire country. Of course, this might also entail that you become the chairman of his re-election campaign, to which you duly make a handsome contribution. Alternatively, you can ask to be chairman of the Nigerian Ports Authority.
Nobody will bat an eyelid when, within a matter of months, you have a fleet of cars, have two or three houses in Asokoro, and own four hotels in Dubai.
You may even kick out your wife and marry a fourteen-year-old "Suzie" befitting your new status. You have arrived as one of Nigeria's celebrated rich men. But keep your eyes on the ball. Don't get distracted or carried away. The enemies of Mr. President must always remain your enemies.
Start a mega-church
This one is pure genius. Peradventure you lose your job or fall on hard times. Don't go into depression. Just start a church. Make it a purpose-built church. Think of something that men need. Tell them you have the anointing to provide it. Tell them whoever wants to be a billionaire should come to your church. Start a few of your messages with "Thus says the Lord." Then teach your congregation the everlasting principles of sowing and reaping.
Make sure they understand that if they really want God to bless them financially, they first have to give you as much money as possible. Create a special prayer group for millionaires and billionaires. That way, if they get any new government contract they will attribute it to the efficacy of your prayers and credit something big into your bank account. Tell everybody to give you their "first-fruits."
That is a code word for their entire January salaries. Then come up with imaginative offerings to collect, such as "prophet's offering," (you, of course, being the prophet); "Father, Son and Holy Ghost offerings;" "Jesus will do it offering."
Very soon, you will be flying your own private jet to preach your gospel in Ilesha; you will be wearing white Armani suits and jerry-curling your hair; you will be collecting gate-fees for new years' eve services; billionaire thieves and robbers will be queuing up to see your private-secretary on the Lagos-Ibadan expressway. In short, you will be living large. For good measure, you will also be slapping demons out of poor bewitched damsels with impunity.
By Femi Aribisala.
Join the PDP.
This one is a sure banker. As a member of the greatest party in the history of Africa, you will be given a credit-card to spend Nigeria's oil wealth. If you are not getting enough attention in the party, make a lot of noise. Abuse Tinubu on the pages of the newspapers and call Buhari an idiot.
Insist that Goodluck Jonathan should not only run for re-election unopposed in 2015, there should be a constitutional amendment to make him a life-president. This is a tell-tale sign that you are hungry; and the powers-that-be will soon invite you to "come and chop."
As a distinguished member of this great party, the opportunities open for you to set yourself up for life are considerable. For example, you can start collecting billions for petroleum subsidy and simply not import any petrol whatsoever. You can get the government to change all car license-plates nationwide; and then become the sole supplier of the new license-plates.
You can ask the president to make you the sole importer and distributor of diesel for the entire country. Of course, this might also entail that you become the chairman of his re-election campaign, to which you duly make a handsome contribution. Alternatively, you can ask to be chairman of the Nigerian Ports Authority.
Nobody will bat an eyelid when, within a matter of months, you have a fleet of cars, have two or three houses in Asokoro, and own four hotels in Dubai.
You may even kick out your wife and marry a fourteen-year-old "Suzie" befitting your new status. You have arrived as one of Nigeria's celebrated rich men. But keep your eyes on the ball. Don't get distracted or carried away. The enemies of Mr. President must always remain your enemies.
Start a mega-church
This one is pure genius. Peradventure you lose your job or fall on hard times. Don't go into depression. Just start a church. Make it a purpose-built church. Think of something that men need. Tell them you have the anointing to provide it. Tell them whoever wants to be a billionaire should come to your church. Start a few of your messages with "Thus says the Lord." Then teach your congregation the everlasting principles of sowing and reaping.
Make sure they understand that if they really want God to bless them financially, they first have to give you as much money as possible. Create a special prayer group for millionaires and billionaires. That way, if they get any new government contract they will attribute it to the efficacy of your prayers and credit something big into your bank account. Tell everybody to give you their "first-fruits."
That is a code word for their entire January salaries. Then come up with imaginative offerings to collect, such as "prophet's offering," (you, of course, being the prophet); "Father, Son and Holy Ghost offerings;" "Jesus will do it offering."
Very soon, you will be flying your own private jet to preach your gospel in Ilesha; you will be wearing white Armani suits and jerry-curling your hair; you will be collecting gate-fees for new years' eve services; billionaire thieves and robbers will be queuing up to see your private-secretary on the Lagos-Ibadan expressway. In short, you will be living large. For good measure, you will also be slapping demons out of poor bewitched damsels with impunity.
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